Monday, 22 October 2012

Becoming Mrs Awesome: First day at the Gym

Controlling Mr Bland

So its Mr Blands Day off, The babies fourth day at day care, and It was supposed to be the first day of the Gym. In the last year after a career change saw Mr Bland commuting for three hours a day, Mr bland put on more than 20 kilos. Mr Bland has always been a bit overweight, but in 11 years, it's the first time I've ever thought of him as Obese. Now he's started a new job closer to home, and it's his first day off. After a D&M involving me mostly guilting him into it, Mr bland agreed to come with me to the gym. Apparently He loves going to the Gym, his only complaint was that we just wouldn't have time.

"Pffft of course we have time!" I scolded "We just have to drop The Talker at school, take the babies to day care, spend an hour or so at the Gym, then Pick up Miss Terror for a speech therapy appointment, then drop her back at day care, have lunch (see I totally remembered to eat) then I'll head to the library and you can do whatever you want till it's time to pick up The Talker!"
Then he told me he had some online training to do for work. This is where I lost my head a bit, inviting him to the library to study with me.

You see, the whole point of becoming Mrs Awesome is to change myself. Not to change everyone else, and not to pin my own goals to the success of another. But the thought of going to the lunch with my hubby, going to the Gym with my hubby, then going to the library together and being study buddies (maybe even getting afternoon tea together) was just so nice. Especially when you factor in that it would be without the three kids, something extremely rare. On the way to the Mall after speech therapy I even braved up to ask for a driving lesson.
Dumb Dumb Dumb.

It was horrible. My Usual driving instructor (four lessons in) is much more descriptive with when to turn/break/stay in the lines etc. Mr Bland was quiet and trusting, too quiet and too trusting. after many near misses by the time I got to the mall I was hyperventilating. Thats when he announced he'd already eaten, and didn't feel like going to the gym. In fact he was planning on dropping me off and heading home.
Simultaneously, my lunch date, my gym partner and my study buddy vanished.
I was to do everything alone.
It was my first real test on Becoming Mrs Awesome; and I failed.
Devastated I asked to be driven home, now I'm sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself instead of being Awesome.

Mr Bland likes to plod along at his own pace, he hates being rushed, pressured or pushed. I tried to control his entire day off by using him to motivate mine. I could say he's just a prick for not being there for me when I needed him, for not sticking to the plan (that I made) and for ditching me; the woman he's supposed to love. But being Mrs Awesome isn't about being Married to Mr Awesome. I've typed it a hundred times but can't seem t remember the number one rule: Only I am responsible for my own happiness. I should have gotten out of the car, worked out at the gym, studied at the library, had a cuppa in a fancy coffee shop and come home feeling independent and Awesome.

I'll try again next week.

Friday, 12 October 2012

Becoming Mrs Awesome: Harder than I thought

Awesome Mind, Awesome Body, Awesome Time: The best laid plans...

So after four months on the waiting list I finally got Miss Terror and The Snorer into day care two days a week.  The deal is, I have to be studying 15 hours a week and the day care costs are reduced by %70
So with my brain relatively stimulated and worthwhile career prospects on the other side of a 3 year degree I started looking for a Gym. The mall where I used to work is where the babies go to day care and right next door is a Gym, not far off is a library. Can you see a plan forming?
Here was my ridiculously simple plan:

  1. 9:00 am Walk The Talker to school
  2. Catch the bus to the mall
  3. Drop the babies at Day Care
  4. Spend an hour in the Gym
  5. Spend three hours in the Library doing Online Uni
  6. Pick the babies up
  7. Catch the bus to School
  8. Walk the Talker Home
  9. Clean the House
  10. Cook/Feed kids
  11. Put Kids in bed. 
  12. Relax, have fun, get a good nights sleep
Yeah, right. Heres what actually happened during the first week

  1. 9:20 am drag The Talker (crying) to school whilst pushing double pram with two babies, carrying two Day Care bags and a lap top
  2. Missed the bus. went home for an hour, caught the next one
  3. Dropped the babies at day care
  4. Skipped the Gym, Mr Bland had agreed to come with me the next day (It's bring a mate for free month)
  5. Studied for one hour
  6. Realised the omission of breakfast and lunch on the plan, wandered off to food court.
  7. Got a call from the day care, The Snorer is sick can I come and get him. *sigh
  8. Picked up both babies
  9. Got the bus to school, got a flat tire in the pram
  10. Reheated frozen food for the kids.
  11. Put the kids to bed.
  12. The house is a mess, I forgot to make myself and Mr Bland dinner, Stayed up till 1am, and The Snorer screamed and coughed all night. 
Trying to stay positive that It will all work out. If I want to be Awesome I have to be willing to work for it.


Thursday, 11 October 2012

Day One: My list for fighting SAHM depression and being Awesome

OK. Here we go. The hunt fore Awesomeness must begin somewhere, so I've compelled a list of Awesome things to achieve, I'm going to add to it regularly and hopefully strike things off... So here it is in no particular order:

Feeling Awesome I don't want to just do awesome things, I want to feel awesome. so this means looking after myself. Everyone knows this, but that doesn't mean we do it!
  1. Sleep more: Once upon a time I thought sleep was awesome, truth be told I got too much of it. But my bed was my best friend and I hid chocolate in my pillowcase. These days it's difficult to sleep when the kids are asleep, because thats my me time. I get to watch shows without talking animals in them, take the safe search off google, eat chocolate without having to share. On average I get about six hours sleep. Seven if the kids sleep in. But I'm a demotivated cranky wreck all day, so starting tonight the attempt will be minimum eight hours sleep.
  2. Eat: I'm lucky to be relatively thin, its not from eating well or hard work, its simply because I'm too busy/lazy/tired to prepare food for myself. I kind of hate cooking (sometimes I get a burst of inspiration for cake and various desserts but that's mostly because I want some sugar.) Not only do I rarely eat, when I do its pretty nutritionally lacking (cup of tea for breakfast, piece of toast for lunch, mouthful of whatever Bland food I make for the kids dinner, sometimes Mr. Bland brings me take-out, though I suspect this is because he knows I've not cooked him anything for dinner, and he was hungry) 
  3. Exercise: This will hopefully kill three birds with one stone, supposedly Exercise will increase the happy drugs in my brain, give me better orgasms, and tone up the flabby I've had three children tummy. 
  4. Confidence: All I do is plod through life sulking about how it should be better, I feel a bit hopeless and pathetic at times because I have no existence outside my home, and I'm a pretty shit homemaker. My house is a mess, I look like crap and I have no life other than my kids. It occurs to me that I must not be as confident as I think I am.
Acting Awesome: Time to get a life Mrs Bland

  1. Enjoy my Family: I spend so much time complaining, correcting, cleaning, cooking, but very little time actually enjoying. No more C words. Time to try and make time for fun.
  2. Get a Hobby to do Alone: Here's something I've NEVER done. Unless watching TV counts? 
  3. Learn to drive: I've been dreading it, but its got to happen, I live in a regional town and busses are hourly (plus the whole three kids thing) Everyone lectures me on the importance of learning to drive and the independence it will give me. Time to bite the bullet and learn.
  4. Be Awesome to my Husband: Ok let me start by saying I am not a 1950's housewife not do I want to be. I expect my man to hold hid own around the house, take care of himself and spoil me with love, so I don't think it's sexist for him to expect the same from me. I complain he doesn't take me out, doesn't help cook or clean, doesn't have fun with me, but what part of that stuff do I do for him? I'm a pretty shit to average homemaker, He works all day, I say we're even, So why do I expect more from him, without giving more myself? For the record, Mr Bland was a SAHD for two years before I let my career go to have two more babies, he did alright (the house was always messy but he cooked dinner every night and washed all the clothes) all I did was complain about how bad the house looked. He has never complained about the house since I took over or the lack of washing done/food cooked. He has never thanked me or offered to help either. He's not exactly awesome, but perhaps that is on me for always treating him as Bland.
  5. Treat being A SAHM as a paid job: Being a mum is full-time, yes, but is being a home-maker full time? It doesn't have to be. It's called Its called getting dressed for to work, getting to work on time, getting the job done quickly and efficiently, and clocking off. If I was my boss I'd fire me. Time to stick to a schedule set targets and achieve goals. I want Housekeeping and cooking to be a part-time job, and I want to excel at it. No one will thank me, no one will pay me, no one will congratulate me; but I have to learn to accept this and be good at it regardless... for me.
  6. Challenge myself: The worst part about being Bland is the tedium. Do the same thing everyday, cook the same food, wash the same clothes, talk to The talker, capture The Terror, feed the Snorer. I used to be smart, I used to have dreams of financial success and a first rate career. I intend to find that Awesome woman and bust some caps. 

Well thats my bucket list so far. 
It's midday and Im surrounded by mess, The Snorer is Snoring and The Terror is drawing on the tablecloth. I think the first thing I should do is clean my house. but its too big and too messy Ok, the first thing I'm going to do is clean the kitchen. No. Stop, hold that thought, I haven't eaten today and I'm wearing yesterdays clothes. The First thing I'm going to do is EAT. then I'm going to get clean clothes on and brush my hair... Then I'm going to clean the kitchen. Maybe.

Only you are resposible for your own happiness...

That's what they told me. "Only you are resposible for your own happiness..." 

It started the way all complaints do these days, searching the internet for answers. I'm bored. My life is not up to scratch, bla bla bla. Well it turns out that The old adage "if your bored then your boring" may actually be true. I am Mrs Bland. I have a lovely husband (Mr bland) three beautiful children (The Talker age 5, Miss Terror, 2, and The Snorer, 9months)  I currently don't work, can't drive and suck at being a housewife. Probably because I despise it. So sulking about my lazy husband not helping me more, and complaining every time I get poo/vomit/snot on my clothes isn't really working for me. I barley leave my house (except to walk The talker to school, two minutes away) I rarely dress in anything other than jeans and a tee, I spend the whole day moping and feeling sorry for myself. WTF happened? This isn't how its supposed to be! I specifically remember intending to do awesome things with my life! Here I am, blaming others, pouting and moping about lost chances. I had awesome plans once, and then I fell in love (not part of the plan) but that didn't mean I had to shelve everything to be nothing but a wife and then a mother.
I'm not saying being a wife and a mother sucks, it's just that I want to be defined as more than that. I want to be my own person outside of motherhood and wifedom.
Everything I do is bland. My house is bland, my image is bland, my sex life is bland, even my cooking is bland. Bland Bland Bland.
I don't want to be Bland anymore. I want to be Awesome. I want to do Awesome things, have an awesome body, have awesome sex and live in an awesome home, with my awesome family.

Starting tomorrow I am going to start looking for Mrs Awesome. 

(I'd start now but Its midnight and Mrs Awesome is going to be one of those peppy freaks who gets plenty of sleep and isn't tired all the time like Mrs Bland. )