Monday, 22 October 2012

Becoming Mrs Awesome: First day at the Gym

Controlling Mr Bland

So its Mr Blands Day off, The babies fourth day at day care, and It was supposed to be the first day of the Gym. In the last year after a career change saw Mr Bland commuting for three hours a day, Mr bland put on more than 20 kilos. Mr Bland has always been a bit overweight, but in 11 years, it's the first time I've ever thought of him as Obese. Now he's started a new job closer to home, and it's his first day off. After a D&M involving me mostly guilting him into it, Mr bland agreed to come with me to the gym. Apparently He loves going to the Gym, his only complaint was that we just wouldn't have time.

"Pffft of course we have time!" I scolded "We just have to drop The Talker at school, take the babies to day care, spend an hour or so at the Gym, then Pick up Miss Terror for a speech therapy appointment, then drop her back at day care, have lunch (see I totally remembered to eat) then I'll head to the library and you can do whatever you want till it's time to pick up The Talker!"
Then he told me he had some online training to do for work. This is where I lost my head a bit, inviting him to the library to study with me.

You see, the whole point of becoming Mrs Awesome is to change myself. Not to change everyone else, and not to pin my own goals to the success of another. But the thought of going to the lunch with my hubby, going to the Gym with my hubby, then going to the library together and being study buddies (maybe even getting afternoon tea together) was just so nice. Especially when you factor in that it would be without the three kids, something extremely rare. On the way to the Mall after speech therapy I even braved up to ask for a driving lesson.
Dumb Dumb Dumb.

It was horrible. My Usual driving instructor (four lessons in) is much more descriptive with when to turn/break/stay in the lines etc. Mr Bland was quiet and trusting, too quiet and too trusting. after many near misses by the time I got to the mall I was hyperventilating. Thats when he announced he'd already eaten, and didn't feel like going to the gym. In fact he was planning on dropping me off and heading home.
Simultaneously, my lunch date, my gym partner and my study buddy vanished.
I was to do everything alone.
It was my first real test on Becoming Mrs Awesome; and I failed.
Devastated I asked to be driven home, now I'm sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself instead of being Awesome.

Mr Bland likes to plod along at his own pace, he hates being rushed, pressured or pushed. I tried to control his entire day off by using him to motivate mine. I could say he's just a prick for not being there for me when I needed him, for not sticking to the plan (that I made) and for ditching me; the woman he's supposed to love. But being Mrs Awesome isn't about being Married to Mr Awesome. I've typed it a hundred times but can't seem t remember the number one rule: Only I am responsible for my own happiness. I should have gotten out of the car, worked out at the gym, studied at the library, had a cuppa in a fancy coffee shop and come home feeling independent and Awesome.

I'll try again next week.

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